I don’t remember when I picked up my first copy of Stasi Eldredge’s becoming myself: embracing God’s dream of you. Funny, I remember where I bought it, but not when. Also, I’m pretty certain that I picked it up because I misread the title as God’s dream for you. For the past five years I’ve been torn between wanting to go into full time student ministry working full time as a teacher. Although I have accepted that teaching middle school is boot camp for God’s next assignment for me, I would be lying if I said there weren’t times that I desperately want to speed up the timetable so I can walk into God’s dream for me.
Like so many other books I have bought over the years, becoming myself went untouched. (I have a list of books to finish in 2015) Then last month, as a Family Christian Blogger, I learned of an opportunity to receive both the book and the accompanying eight session DVD. I didn’t even know there was a DVD that went along with the book. I’m not saying that I would have already read the book had I known, but just maybe. It wasn’t until I received the book and DVD did I remember I already owned the book. The memorable book cover had me searching through my library to confirm my suspicion that I had not only seen it before but walked by it several times in my own home.
As a mother of infant twins and a seven year old, I do not have the luxury of pleasure reading like I did before I had kids. What I do have though, is my morning time. It isn’t as sacred as I’d like it to be, as it is often sacrificed in order to get my oldest to school on time. And when I get to have it, reading a book is the last thing I do during that time. I pray, read short devotionals, pray some more, and then read. I say all that in hopes that you won’t judge me when I tell you I’m only about to start reading Chapter 4. Seriously. Although I thought I was cured from caring what others think about me, blogging and reading this book have made me keenly aware of my ever present desire to be accepted by others – especially women.
My friend Amia and I always talk about how you can’t help people if you haven’t walked through whatever it is they’re struggling with. And although you can commiserate with your friend if you’re still in that place, two people in a pit are still in the pit. One of the goals of Catalyst Movement – the dream God gave me for a girl centered ministry – is for girls to love one another as they learn to love themselves. I know that God brought my attention back to this book so I can work through some stuff so I can better lead girls into a life of freedom and wholeness.